No parent wants to get that call from their child’s school about their kid being bullied. But what happens when the bully the school is calling about is your child? Although it might come as a shock to you and you may want to deny it, bullying is a serious issue that no parent should ignore. Instead, take a deep breath and use these tips to help your bully understand what they did wrong and which behaviors need to change:
Finding out that your child has been involved in bullying can be a shock, but don’t panic. Remember, this doesn’t mean that you are a failure as a parent or that you have a bad kid! And, just because your child acted like a bully this time, doesn’t mean he/she will be a bully for life! Children choose to bully others for a variety of reasons, so it’s important to avoid getting caught up in your own feelings and thoroughly investigate the situation before talking with your child.
Once you’ve got all the facts from your child’s teacher or principal, make time to talk with your kid. Review the incident as calmly as possible with your child and be careful not to play the blame game. Instead, keep the conversation focused on the choices and behavior of your child rather than on the actions of the other kids involved.
After your child has gotten a chance to tell you their side of the story, ask them to imagine themselves in their victim’s shoes. How would they feel if they had been treated this way? Asking your child to think critically about the situation, rather than telling them how they should feel, will help them develop a sense of empathy and could prevent them from engaging in bully behavior in the future.
Once your child has admitted to doing something wrong, it’s time to talk about how they can try and make amends. Brainstorm with your kid and figure out a few different things your child can do to help make things right again. Do they need to just say sorry? Take down an offensive social media comment? Replace another child’s property? Help them figure out what they need to do to and encourage them to make up with the other child as soon as possible.
Be firm with your child. Let them know in no uncertain terms that, although you will always love them, this type of behavior is unacceptable and comes with consequences. Then, let your child know what their punishment will be for bullying, whether it means taking a time out, losing their internet privileges or making them pay for breaking something with their own allowance.
When children lash out and do something hurtful, it may be because they’re hurting or have needs that aren’t being met. Most often bullies act out because they are looking for acknowledgment, control or attention. Talking with your kid about why they feel the need to participate in bad behavior will help you get to the root of their bullying issues and could help you prevent that behavior moving forward.
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